Boss who is a bully

Already have an account? Bullying is thought to be common among hormonal middle schoolers, not grown adults. Yet bullying, especially in the workplace, is alarmingly common. The most common offender? Bosses or managers, responsible for 51 percent of those cases. If all signs point to verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, then trust your gut.

You have the right to a safe work environment. Do they correct the grammar in your emails because they feel intimidated that you have more years of experience than they do? During a or a coffee break , ask your boss to talk you through their workload: What pressures are you facing that I might not be aware of? Be empathetic and aware while also being realistic about what you should have to deal with. Try to ignore the interpersonal ones, aka the shouting match your boss is having with their computer right now.

Pay matters. Employ boundary-setting statements that are polite and direct:. It sounds like this quick chat should be a meeting. What time works best for you? Please step back before we continue this conversation. As such, none of these statements is out of line, even if your boss responds negatively—and they might. Bullies often go after employees who are liked by their supervisors and praised for their work. They typically have poor coping skills, and they mask their insecurities by victimizing others.

Bully bosses often pick victims who have strong morals and integrity, or whose values conflict with those of the bully. As happened with my friend, bully bosses often target those who are new to an organization.

Over the years as an organizational psychologist, I have encountered bully bosses, and they typically display these behaviors:. What options do you have if you have a bully boss? Here are four ways you might respond. This approach is passive and simply acquiesces to the bullying behavior.

In the short term, this approach seems to work, because it typically does not inflame situations so that they escalate. Directly fight against the behavior. Giving back in kind could, at first, seem to end the bullying behavior, since people usually do not stand up to bully bosses and this response momentarily throws them off.

A tough boss will insist that you work hard and give your best effort and submit high-quality work all the time. They will also insist you abide by workplace norms such as dress code and other organizational policies. Their goal is to speak the truth in love so that you can be the best version of yourself.

They also expect a healthy level of self-discipline, self-awareness, and self-restraint on the part of the individual. They desire exemplary followers who not only meet but exceed the standards. On the other hand, an abusive or bullying boss deliberately provides you with false or misleading information, humiliates you in public, calls you demeaning names, puts the blame on you and treats you like a servant. They will steal your good ideas and attempt to "get you" if you don't comply with their demands.

They are prone to public displays of anger and attack the person on a personal level rather than criticizing their work. They insist on passive followers who pledge blind allegiance. Caprino: Should an employee just grin and bear it? Or should harsh or abusive treatment be addressed? Jones: Once you assess the degree of dysfunction, realize no amount of your talent is going to make things better. In fact, sometimes it even makes it worse. Some individuals are adept at leaving all the nonsense at work when they leave the parking lot; others take it to a much deeper level.

Another consideration is how much time you spend directly interacting with this boss. Are they geographically separated from you? Are you a dotted line versus direct report? And do you think this boss will eventually become secure in their leadership role and grow out of this juvenile behavior? Much of bullying is rooted in insecurity. Do you think your boss has the potential to grow up and change? You also have to be able to look yourself in the mirror. Jones: If you have exhausted your chain of command, both internally and through HR, and gotten no proper response, it is time to cut your losses and leave the company.

Please remember that this is not a reflection on you personally. After all, who wants to compete with a rat? As the adage goes, "I'd rather eat crumbs with bums, than steaks with snakes.